so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
