Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
