Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
