Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my poor anus
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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