We won't sleep together?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
