She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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