her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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