I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
