Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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