I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
