i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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