i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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