i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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