I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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