I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
