what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
