So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
