Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we're making bets on your personal life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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