New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
