btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
