im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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