Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
