Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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