I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
