I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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