I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
