So drunk its hurt
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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