come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
