I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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