so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
