I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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