yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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