i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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