Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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