its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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