May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
