I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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