Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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