so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
