the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
