Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
