you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
