This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
