Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
