Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
