Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
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