is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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