I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
