How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
