And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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